Alive

Regret as a noun means "sadness associated with some wrong done or some disappointment."  As a verb it means "feeling sad about the loss or absence of."  A few years ago I came across this adage "I would rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not." 

It penetrated my thoughts and feelings in a way that I did my own bloodwork to evaluate whether I was flowing or drifting away from the essence of life.  All I knew was that I did not want to live my life to realize during an "aha" moment that I was living like an ignorant farmer who did not make use of any opportunity to harness the crops to let them bloom.  

Life is to be lived in the present tense because it is from this very basis that life starts. Just like any word or sentence, it has neither meaning nor value until an experience occurs. It is easy to take life for granted because it is given to us without any effort on our part.  

I realize that the only experience that cannot be taken away from me is to live now in its entirety.  I acknowledge that I have always been where my mind wanted me to be.  I was constantly making use of  present stuations to extrapolate into scenerios that might or might not take place in the future. It worsened my state of being because I lost myself there and never returned to where I was!  The truth then crystalized.  I prefered to live in the future constructed by my mind than to live in the reality which entails challenging the real occurrences. 

I feel I am living now.  I am enjoying the living process instead of simply executing  tasks and responsibilities unmindfully.  I am savoring every moment to learn to know myself.  I sift the gravestones to recreate my path.  I learn to drop the small stuff and let it be swept away like fallen leaves.  

I am constantly reminding myself to live mindfully and to be an experiement in life's greatest mystery.

Let Go

We have often mistaken letting go as synonymous to giving up.  However, when we explore deeper into the phenomenon, it takes inner courage, strength, and a great amount of emancipation to let go.  It is a pursuit of the consciousness to choose, to face and to accept the wholeness as it is.  

The doctrine of more as a barometer of achievement and possessions has been inculcated into our value system at a very young age.  Life has thus become an ongoing concern and a constant race of accumulation without a finishing line.  We jump across each hurdle to pick up our possessions without realizing that we have encumbered ourselves with a heavy backpack that has become so attached to pull it off the shoulder.

My strength is my ability to let go of possessions.  I have kept my possessions to the minimum, or at least I avoid the add-on and coupon syndrome.  I keep fresh perishables in the fridge that are consumed and replaced quickly.  My personal detachment from people including those close is a blessing bestowed on me.  I walk my path freely and create my own foot print effortlessly.  I am my own follower. 

My weakness is my painful learning process to let go of situations that arise at work. I do become so obsessive and let the issues totally consume me that I become entrapped in the mine field.  People can be  irritating and they usually are.  Things will go wrong and they inevitably will.  Situations are unfair and that can happen.   Biasedness exists and it always has.  Idiots are dumb and they have to be.  I learn to let them be!

There is no greater autonomy than to go with the flow by detaching myself so as not to be buried in a self-inflicted avalanche and losing myself in the debris.  I realize that nothing is really worth the pursuit other than to remain true to myself.  I keep trying!