Trapped

I realized that I am systemically trapped in my unawareness, and have inflicted frustrations upon myself. The receptionist at the optical counter categorized me as one of their eye patients which resulted in an hour's wait to pick up my prescription glasses. The employees of a gas station admitted to my face without any sense of remorse, that they failed to put up a notice of an inoperable air vending machine. I wasted my dollar and had to put back the valve caps composedly. 

This is one of the few chores that I dread. My tendency is to ensure that every task is completed successfully within the time allotted. I dislike inefficiency. I had to drive to the next vending machine where I was told there is a free service in an auto-care center where I need not even come out of my car! This turned out to be a silver lining. Lately these frustrations helped me realize my intolerant of inefficiency. This rocks my center. I have to change if I don't want to be the sucker that is feeling the one-sided hurt.

Lao Tzu put it so well: Before healing others, heal yourself. So I have to let people be and not cling to my past experiences. Just like a boat that has done its job carrying me ashore, I should abandon it and continue walking my path.

Men and Women

I was obsessed with this song "The Man" after watching a K-drama and listened to an one-hour long loop of the same song everyday possibly for a month. The main reason is he is my favorite actor and sings well. It led me to study the lyrics. Two words struck me - "beggarly love." Man is a beggar in the name of love.  

I returned to my reading and found this excerpt: Ordinarily there are men and women, but not human beings. To become a human being means to become a process, to become an inquiry, to become a passion for the impossible... a seeker, a seeker of truth. 

I enjoy photojournalism because it digs into the deeper issues depicted in the photos. For example, I read about the reckless disposal of Covid-19 biomedical waste that ended in the landfill which feeds impoverished families. I see helplessness and hopelessness in the people and I smell trash. That reminds me of a city landfill that I visited and the stench from a very far distance was acrid. Just imagine these people in close proximity everyday!

   

Now, this begs the question: are there more men and women than human beings in this pandemic era now? Indeed, men and women are those that defy processes, deny truth, and harvest lies that echo the ethos of We and You. If men and women respect processes for long term recovery, the futile debate of returning life to normal would not exist. Just follow the process and the result will speak for itself as we have seen in other countries. If biomedical waste was disposed as hazardous waste and incinerated, the impoverished families could continue their not so healthy livelihood. 

Human beings would see that we are interconnected and are therefore cognizant of the consequences of our actions. There is no We and You. There is Us and Unity. Rise as human beings but fall as men and women. I realize that to be a human being has to be earned by our actions.

Totality

Earlier in my journey I was reminded to see the totality and not to focus on the fragments. A fragmented mind is the curtain blocking the light at the end of the tunnel. I applied this principle in my workplace when I had to deal with cascading operational issues.

In this universal pandemic season, I reflected upon the totality of life. We see different behavioral coping mechanisms that people use to deal with the fatigue of too much time spent indoors. The reopening of beaches was life's essential and entitled human right. We see compliance and defiance attitudes toward a simple protective covering - face mask. Inconveniences are excruciating pain and sufferings. 

This totality principle is even more meaningful today. The physical depravity will pass once commercial activities resume to operable state or once a vaccine is found. Technology lets us satisfy our needs and desires through online products acquisition. We defer our physical contact but increase our virtual communication. We appreciate our cooking and treasure our dining out experience.

This pandemic is the fragment that catches our human life. When a beggar or emperor dies, their total is the same. Is it time to look at life in totality? 

Contentment

Soon it will be 10 years since I started this blog. Although updating it consistently has not been my greatest strength, I persisted and did not give it up. The journey during these 10 years has been a concoction of  bittersweet experiences from my Ph. D pursuit to assimilating to academia. These past 10 years have been pivotal comparing to the preceding 13 years. Looking back, I can confidently say that it is the best decade that marked the beginning of learning about my SELF and life.

I did not realize that I was not living until I experience what living means. I left my comfort zone not knowing that I was actually escaping. The context changed but the content was the same. I was the corrosive content that was burning inside. I could be in the Himalayas but would see the mountains as obstruction instead of peace and tranquility. 

The Himalayas within me is calling me to appreciate the sights of the colorful birds and yellow butterflies foraging the foliage along the riverside walking trail. Before, the chirping of the birds was noise because I was unconscious and not accepting their nature.The silver lining of minimal human contact in this "nature always wins" era is I am entering into the sensuous existence to feel the Whole that has always been there.   

 

A Little Too Late

The advent of technology has changed our lives in so many ways. Medical advancement has prolonged and saved lives. Diseases such as tuberculosis, measles, small pox that were synonymous with death are contained because of medical advancement. So is human population. Such an irony now that human lives are diminishing on an accelerated pace because medical emergency is overwhelmed and medical urgency has been deliberately slowed down.

The fragility of life is even more frightening now. I thought I was well stocked with my favorite delights in my freezer to find out the defrost timer is semi-working as ice is forming underneath. The freezer is the most valuable possession at home right now and if it breaks down, that will be my food pandemic. I felt empty after knowing it. Not sure to fill that emptiness with a cry or a laugh. Why did I drive so many hours to create this stockpile when these possessions will rot anytime. I do not know when there will be a power outage, when will the defrost timer give up its life, and if it could be repaired, when will the repairman attend to it during this weird time? Why did I not think of that before hoarding? All these questions are beckoning me a little too late!

Greed deters all these questions from surfacing in my quest to satisfy my desires. I have unconsciously created a new baggage to carry on my shoulders. The message to me is to be content with what is already there and be thankful to have the grocery stores nearby. Millions are hungry. A little too late in this realization but better late than never!

Strangers Unite

In the wake of this pandemic, we reached out to our next-door neighbors to exchange contact numbers to look after each other's back. We have been neighbors by SIGHT for 4 long years. Our communication did not go beyond numerous eye contacts and smiles whenever we met each other while driving out of our garage. So near and yet so far. Separated by walls and distanced by silence.

Once a upon a time, we used to share luxury items such as a phone line, a television, a refrigerator. There wasn't my space, your space. Our space was communal. We were pockets of communes. We waited eagerly for the next episode of sitcom or soap opera. We laughed and cried together. We were socially compassionate.

We are in the state of asphyxia. The most potent carrier of any disease is the air that we need to be alive. A misstep by any self-serving individuals will put this existential space at the verge of human fatalities. We are all canaries in the coalmine. We must consciously relearn the language of the universe. We need to rise to the level of sharing and caring. Our young neighbor knocked on our door to check if he could mow our lawn since he was already on the job. This was momentous. This was graciousness.

Choices

Pandemic...Delusion or Reality? Humans are truly unique creatures. In the face of this worldwide adversity threatening lives and supplies, some still refuse to SEE. Exacerbating this blindness is the magnification of untruth in the most contentious manner that some really think that everything is fine. Everyday behaviors should continue. This is just a passing flu and will find another host in no time! It is so infuriating to listen to this puerile tirade of utter flimflam.

While the dire effects of this pandemic hit straight to the heart of conscientious folks who step up to contribute to their community in every possible way. Doubling up their efforts to heightened creativity of making fabric masks for the frontline people whose own life is at stake. Bounded by duty and dedication to public service, they are working relentlessly. Good samaritans are illuminating what humanity ought to be; sharing and caring and leaning on one another regardless of race, religion, ethnicity. demographic, geography, country, education etc. 

Our journey on mother earth has consistently been showing us to live meaningfully. At best, if we cannot help, don't create more problems. Stay indoors and count our blessings!

Hello iSpring

Nature stays true to its course. Winter ebbs away. Spring beckons with the lushness foliage. Birds echo in their wilderness and getting ready to migrate to their spring homes. People start spring cleaning to welcome the much anticipated summer. Then, comes fall...and winter...and spring again.

The first spring of a new decade begins with a reckoning of inner and outer chaos. A costly reminder of systemic greed that can destroy humankind if we continue sleeping and abusing any living organisms on earth. The reality has hit upon us experiencing the different facets of humanity. We are witnessing conscientiousness and devotion of citizens crying for equipment and fighting against time to save lives. At the same time, some of us are becoming practitioners of patience tolerating recalcitrant human-pests foraging for nectar to feed their ego in this corrosive catastrophe.

This spring calls for deep learning to power our inner growth. It calls for contemplation that all living organisms have a sacred space on earth. Regardless if they have four legs, two legs or no legs, we must value life and let live to the best we can. The taken for granted human contact is now a potential carrier that would exacerbate the virus spread. Nobody knows when socialization will become harmless again. It is going to be a long and painful journey of getting there. The silver lining is we have excess time to reconnect with ourselves. Reading nourishes the mind. Cooking spurs creativity. Exercising houses the body. Watching perfects our world...Hello iSpring!

Enough

“Don’t judge a book by its cover!” Unfortunately, it is the visible reference that we have overtly exploited while trying to make our acquaintance with strangers, connectivity with objects or selection of groceries. An ugly fruit with valuable nutrients may still obstruct our desire to try it. Similarly, acquainting with others takes careful and deliberate nurturing in a conducive space to make it to be a deeper connection. Indeed a recent research shows that it takes approximately 200 hours of quality time together to reach the stage of close connection.

Time is a limited resource that it alone should illuminate our priorities and our directions. Essentially, people whom we are with, do shape our inclinations of life. Is it to exist and fulfill painfully embedded obligations? Or is it to live and to overcome the forces in the periphery effortlessly? When do we decide "enough is enough?"

I did.

I was subject to bullying with uncalled for criticisms and unfounded judgments. These occurred serially and blatantly. An ancient Chinese proverb goes something like “hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me”, but three times is going too far! This is when the inner me says, enough.

The gravity of all the assaults was nefarious but I was willing to let them go until the last straw broke the camel’s back. I chose to be accommodating because I valued the relationship. Humanity continues to live on the assumption that smallness is weakness forgetting the mighty gaj (elephant) fell to the tiny ant.

Relating

Meeting new people and being comfortable with them is a skill which I am slowly and surely developing. These past seven years have forced me to come out of my withdrawn self and to meet and engage individuals from three continents. Relating with individuals is so different in France from America, even more different in China and Borneo! I have to adjust according to the local cultural values and priorities, the status of the individual, the context in which we were relating, the expectations both parties had and most of all the need to make the other comfortable.

As a student, I found relating to peers very challenging as most were much younger and as such had a completely different approach to life than I did. As a mother, I have to host a series of cognitive disparities in our random discussion topics about friends, fashion, beauty, education, technology etc. with a malleable teenager.

Endurance is the breath to harmonize the conversations before remorseful eruptions would occur. Patience is the antidote to the mind that this phase is ephemeral and like everything else, this too will pass. Communing with my small coterie of intimate friends is heartily virtual. Life has brought us to different places and assigned us different responsibilities and priorities but we have not lost our common values of caring and sharing. Indeed, it is the connection of the hearts rather than a case of logorrhea.  

Relating with people is actually a purposeful affair. It requires careful articulation. Being sensitive to the other/s is particularly necessary to relate meaningfully. After all, time is a scarce resource. I am learning to use it wisely. Be it a thought or a talk.

Being Normal

My greatest challenge is to be normal in a social setting. Most of the times I am just quiet. I am not a storyteller but am slowly changing. I realized many many years ago the importance of storytelling. Relating with people is about meaningful conversations. It hurt deeply when one accused me of not being able to converse and concluded that I would not be able to teach! It irked me that they felt posited to judge me.

It puzzled me as to how happy I become when listening to other people's stories. But it did not help in my growth of relating with other people. Stories keep conversations going. Stories help to elucidate who you are to people. Stories enhance inter-personal exchange of experiences. Traveling cultivates storytelling skills. It is an avenue whereby you meet strangers with no strings attached and will start you telling them your stories!

I resolve to master the art of communicating effectively while keeping intact my true self without over indulgence in conversations.  I know that I am fully capable of conveying, expressing, directing, explaining and engaging the many that come to me and emerge the storyteller in me. I have much to share!

Trusting Oneself

A new day has dawned for me. Four years of academic rigor and living out of a suitcase in 3 continents: America, Europe and Asia, I have finally completed my terminal degree and landed my dream job of teaching in a small university in a rural part of the country. The journey has been both trans-formative and challenging.

I learned to trust myself and with it the Universe. Having to perform tasks I had no idea would be required was at times mind boggling. There is so much about writing a doctoral dissertation. I had to learn from scratch. Stayed locked in for weeks reading literature written by those that came before me was daunting.

Then came the need to move from France to China to complete  a field research and required meeting industry professionals to seek their support in identifying gatekeepers and organizations that were to become 6 case studies. Having completed all this in record breaking 9 months, a huge blow was delivered when the French jury found my work too applied for their taste! They did not bother to note that this had to be the approach as my research was funded by the European Commission via the Marie Curie Foundation which explicitly required me to investigate European companies entering China's environmental protection sector.

My trust in the Universe paid dividends when I was offered a new full scholarship to complete my degree at an Australian university! As if this was not challenging enough, my efforts at securing a full time teaching position in the town I now call home and having recused myself from other offers some distance away, required even more trust. I can now feel the blessings of the Universe and remain grateful for all the help, guidance, support and love I have received from the many that were sent to lift and see me to the shore.

Learning to Teach

I sat as a silent observer for this fall semester. Teaching requires emotional intelligence to integrate young adults embedded by traditional experiences as a result of differences in cultural background into one wholesome family. They have different world views. Thus, different forms of interpretation due to personal and social biases. Let alone, the interpretation of the true value of education.

This semester, I saw how this one big family has transformed and changed universally because of the strategy used in teaching. It was a pull strategy, to push them upwards to greater challenges. It means inculcating the values of self-discipline and self-respect into each and every endeavor they undertake, beginning from being seated in class a few minutes before it starts. It means empowering them to stand up and speak out about their research assignments and to share their knowledge with their peers. It means to care that they learn qualitatively. It entails tremendous fortitude to want to succeed in learning.

I am in awe of the professor. He is merciless and relentless in conveying the essence of learning in every session. He reinforces it consistently. I saw the pay-offs! The students transformed indeed. It is a true story. I am inspired by them. I saw enthusiastic voluntarism, pride and eagerness to share knowledge. Fear of speaking to a class became history. In fact, it develops into confidence. I saw creativity through presentations on out of course materials. The amount of laughter and knowledge we gained from these presentations is out of this world. Seriously, would anyone be motivated to do things without being rewarded? How often do we want or feel like indulging in creative work for ourselves? Creativity requires tremendous efforts which few are willing to make.

This brings me back to my favorite quote: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."  The students' mind is constantly challenged to a quick realization that "I don't know much!" Just by this realization, we can either fan our inner flame to deepen our knowledge or let it dissipate and compromise our potential to be a better learned human being while traversing our journey on this earth.

Paradox

In a recent presentation to a class of college seniors, I was asked: "Why did you choose teaching as a profession?" On an informal occasion that had occurred earlier, I was caught in a debate: "How can you teach when you do not converse?" How should I make out the latter question? I just wanted to eat shit and die! 

I am at the final stage of my PhD and am resolved to apply exclusively for teaching positions. I want to teach. A few years ago, I decided to pivot my life toward learning and knowledge building. I had quit industry three years ago and started my academic life.

Overnight, I let go of my work-identity which defined who I was by colleagues, friends or strangers. The identity that created and consumed conversations. The identity that is so onerous and unreal. Honestly, how often have we used our identity, earned or borrowed, to drive conversations these days? Little regard to whether the conversation are reckless or mindful, so long as we are onymous.

I am enjoying being an anonymous person in an unfamiliar context which would become familiar soon. I am a mother, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a student, a researcher, and yet I am not all these. Who then, am I?

This question either intrigues or annoys conversationalists. The former would likely explore me to the abyss and the latter would probably crucify me to confession. Coming back to: Why did you choose teaching as a profession? An extract of my teaching philosophy is reproduced below:

"A teacher is a committed learner and understands that when it comes to learning, there is no finishing line. Teachers must be able to embed this understanding in their teaching to stir the intellect. I strive to reawaken and stimulate students to think about the meaning and the true value of education."

I told the class: "I strive to pay back what I have learned from my own education and global experience to make a difference which can change and transform students’ lives." 

My own life has been just that...TRANSFORMED BY A GREAT TEACHER!

The Outsider

My journey has brought me to another abode, a place of lush greenery and the cohort is mostly indigenous people of various cultures fitting into a common socio-cultural identity. Their lifestyle choices are limited to the economic opportunities bestowed upon them. The surviving class is the lesser educated performing menial jobs that yield little disposable income which does not go beyond the basic necessities. A lot of time is spent in transportation because timeliness is not a pride to behold by the service providers. The public should wait endlessly and helplessly at the mercy of the disorganized and dysfunctional transport company that has no social responsibility and respect for the people.

I am the outsider feeling for this surviving class. I experienced the lackadaisical transportation system and the indifferent attitude of the commuters. They have been immunized by the socio-cultural conditions and have accepted the low level of living i.e. wasting time is a norm. Little is done to empower the surviving class. It has limited education and thus no avenue to prosper inspirationally, let alone financially. Its economic life is a constant line of survival. It is the underdog that does not have any chance to redeem a better quality life that should be deservedly theirs.

As an outsider living in  their community, I feel the hollow deprivation and despondent stemming from lack of economic choices. Much has been taken for granted by us in the developed world. Good irrigation and sewage system, clean streets, pristine rivers, life conveniences emanate from a well developed infrastructure and a service oriented society. I feel the inconveniences and immense injustices of why should they be succumbed to such a standard of living. Like the community I have to live with it. It is temporal. This perception fuels my desire to develop myself to the fullest because I have economic choices. Unlike the community, the people are constrained and discontentedly content. Not going with the flow will be contentious. This is poverty to me because human capabilities remain undeveloped and left to wither in the wilderness. The flame of the human spirit is subdued in the landscape. 

Solitude

I feel the abyss of aloneness when contemplation seeps in. It is nauseous-like and I start asking myself why am I so daunted? I am used to aloneness. My environment breeds aloneness. My lifestyle subscribes to aloneness. My social network is a necessity to relate to people and does not compensate for aloneness Aloneness has always been my life journey.

Just these few days, I came to a halt at the bus-stop of aloneness. I felt the intensity and started to rationalize. We are used to be alone-less with the constant flow of distractions of various means. Our family and friends make up the nucleus of our being. We juggle between them and seek solace when we are afflicted with pain and setbacks in life. The cycle goes on.

Solitude is not loneliness. It is a soliloquy that emerges as positive and constructive for our mental state. It winnows our thoughts to regain perspective. It rejuvenates our being and makes us feel wholesome and alive. It permeates our web of distractions and challenges to decelerate our daily life that is dictated by regimented schedules.

As we reflect in solitude, we will feel the peace and appreciate the deep silence that rises to calm our mind. It is threshold towards a sustaining and rewarding relating with our true inner friend.

Language of the Universe

The events of 2015 have been eventful. I have celebrated and witnessed the few Chinese traditions from Spring Festival in February, Dragon Boat Festival in June to the 7th month Ghost Festival between August and September. The mid-Autumn Festival is just round the corner on September 27. The sweetest part is that I have experienced them in different cities of the world. After being devoid of such celebrations for decades, I have been wheeled back to the region of my motherland.

My life in 2015 has been intrinsically experiential and mindfully challenging. In the language of the mind, I would want to climb to the pole of destruction and never would want to land on my feet. I would want to be suspended and let life stop. Let all the blessed good that have happened be buried by the series of blows of one major setback. But this mind therapy is ineffectual.

Change is such a powerful phenomenon. We can either embrace it and be open to uncertainty or evade it and remain unchanged. Change is a hidden spice to add flavor to our life. It forces us to accept the reality as it is and move on and reconnect with the "what is"now! The "what is" now comprises of decisions followed by actions that encompass the execution of the change. Evading change is like asking time to stand still while we continue to be self-consumed in the pseudo reality that things are still the same. How much time would have been wasted in this impasse?  

As I grow older in number, I realize that time is truly sacred and it is speeding by. I choose to do my best meaningfully and be prepared for the worst. There is no time to be a hapless victim of circumstances. The language of the Universe is such that if we want something so badly, it will conspire and help us to the very end. Fear and fretfulness are stemmed out from insecurity and leaving our comfort zone. Each step further from our comfort zone, is one step closer to the Universe. 

Nature Always Wins

I was expecting my friend’s father to be holding a placard with my name outside the railway station. I checked my cell phone many times and there were no messages or missed calls. Everything's looking good, I thought to myself. I saw a sweet familiar face standing out in a crowd of eager looking men. It was my friend. I realized later that the men were private drivers offering their services and she was haggling over the fare to her home including one stop at the hospital. Private transportation fares doubled and trebled during the Lunar New Year festive period. We walked away from the touts. Our act caused a response from one skinny lanky man who came after us and directed us into his royal blue Volkswagen Golf. His price was right.  I was rather glad because I had noticed his car earlier. It stood out as the newest among the rest of the cars at the parking lot. It had a sense of safety. 

The stop at the hospital was to pick up my friend's mother and sister-in-law who had given birth to a baby girl a day earlier. The birth was expected on 9^th day of the Lunar New Year, but nature had other plans. I had to reboot my cell phone to receive three messages and two missed calls that my friend had made. I did not receive any of her updates during the 18 hour journey.  The flow of events had changed upon arrival of the new born. I ended up greeting her parents at the gate of the hospital and congratulating them as first-time grandparents. Nature always wins. We will win too if we cooperate with nature and allow it bring us to the unexpected.  

As we entered the road to my friend’s house, there were unfinished but occupied brick houses on both sides of the roads. Most houses had red lanterns hanging outside the main door. My friend's 3 story-high concrete house was conspicuously located at the end of the small countryside road. A big foyer precedes the entrance of the house. Barricades of pomelo trees guard the house.  The ripened fruits were strewn on the grass and permanently abandoned there.   

 The little two month old plushy puppy and the proud roosters were roaming freely in the open compound. The entrance to the house is the common eating area. The floor is of hard concrete and brutally cold. Throwing litter, pouring water, and spitting on it are perfectly normal. It is swept a few times in the day.  I arrived on the eve of the Lunar Goat Year, the most meaningful last day of the Lunar Year when all family members meet for reunion meal. Firecrackers and fireworks had already started exploding during the day. The mother lit up a long train of firecrackers to welcome her newborn granddaughter. The explosion was deafening and lasted for nearly two minutes.  

Our reunion was lunch of 7 dishes laid down on an unfinished wooden table. They were predominantly meat dishes: pork, dog, and goose. Apparently eating dog meat is as common as eating pork and it costs more. The meat was not deboned before cooking. The fish were drawn from the well and cooked in its entirety. It makes sense to me now why Chinese spit so naturally. They swallow the meat and spit out the bones. Vegetables were fresh from the vegetation. Coal is used for cooking. Water is drawn using a lever. Solar energy is used to heat cold water. Wifi for internet is available. 

The parents are one year younger than me. We are contrasting in our culture, language, education, habits, tradition, values and physique. Their world is the same place that they were born. The mother is a typical housewife: cleaning; cooking; raising children (now a grandchild); and attending to the family vegetable garden for self-consumption. She places everyone else’s needs before hers and is always the last to join us in the dining table. She is always in motion. The father is the breadwinner engaging in physical laborious work. His contentment is for the family to have a solid roof over their heads and more than enough to eat and live. His indulgence is 'baichiu' (white liquor). He was happy that I drank with him! We broke the norm and drank during breakfast. 

We are from two different social structures. They are born to be married and procreate at a very young age (from 17-21 on the average). Not having family and children is considered a shame and embarrassment to the parents and the source of gossip. The social stigma is so entrenched that it has created a demand for unqualified matchmakers. Young adults would desperately seek their services to get themselves hooked up to secure a family life. Otherwise pressure is imminent. The golden age years are sacrificed in rearing children.  Mid-life crisis is not relevant because grand-parenthood takes over by that time. It is difficult to break away from the cycle because it entails opportunities and risks. They are not given the opportunities to know the risks. Their life has been sewn by the societal needle that pins their roles to the different life stages. 

The parents and I are three people born and raised in different geographical regions. We are equals as humans and yet distinct in our lifestyles. Their purpose in life is to take care of their family in the same way that their ancestors did except that now they are exposed to modern technology such as washing machine, microwave, TV, internet. They did not have a choice to further their education because of limitations. They know of the world outside theirs but are not envious. 

They accept their destiny and work hard to sustain life. They are content to be where they are by making the most of what they have. In our world, we have too much of everything. Ours is quantity-living in a tight space and theirs is simple quality- living in a vast space with nature. Our security is in our accumulated possessions because of our higher purchasing power. Their security is in their family and community. Our distraction is digital technology and theirs is to gather to play cards. Our main door is closed and latched, their door is open until bedtime. We are strangers in our own community, they know all their neighbors.

I admire the parents’ openness and warmth towards me, accepting me quickly as part of their family. They did not discourage their daughter (my friend) from pursuing advance education in Beijing. She could have been coerced to get married. My friend is the only one in the extended family who is still studying at 25. They do not feel that they are a notch up anyone else just because their daughter is going to earn a doctoral degree in three years. She is probably the only one that has attained to this level of education within the community. Despite our cultural differences, we did not feel any sense of awkwardness with each other. They were not pretentious in front of me. We respected our differences and went with the flow. 

Joyous Reunion

At long last, I arrived at Beijing Railway Station, the day before the eve of the Lunar Goat Year, February 17, 2015. I was expecting the traffic of people to congest the entrance to the station and be polluted by screams and shouts. To the first of my pleasant surprises, the crowd was cooperative and everyone could walk into the station in an orderly fashion. I was expecting to bump my way to get into the train. However, I did not experience any tiny bit of hassle. I realized that I have let precious knowledge decide that I should encounter similar experience as reported in the media about Chinese New Year travel in China. Without making this trip, I would not have dispelled my knowledge and substituted it with the real experience of traveling in the overcrowded Chinese world. I joined the hundreds of millions of locals in this eventful journey.  
 
I started the first leg. It was a 14 hour train journey from Beijing to Nanchang, Jiangxi Province. To my pleasant second surprise, boarding began more than 45 minutes prior to departure time! This was unusual as normally it begins much closer to the departure. The carriage was fully occupied and so were the luggage racks. I had to push mine under the seat at the hint of one of the local passengers. People are going home to reunite with their families on this auspicious festive season. It is the celebration of the entire country. 

The people in my carriage were mostly family members of at least three traveling together. They were blue-collar workers and neatly dressed. They brought with them big bags of snacks that occupied the small table shared by six people. Noise and the festive spirit permeated the entire journey. Shouting across the carriage was a normal occurrence. Watching personal movies without headphones is tolerated. Spitting on the floor is a natural phenomenon. Meals were simply gigantic sized instant noodles in colorful packaging. After 14 hours, the floor of the train was carpeted with glittering litter of empty cans, distorted paper packages, smashed nutshells and dirty napkins of various sizes! The drowsy commuters woke up to the last day of the year of the horse and ushered their way out of the train in high spirits. I waited out to the hall of Nanchang Railway Station at 5 am and waited till 7.15 am for the second leg of my journey to connect to my final destination, Guixi, Nanchang district, Jiangxi Province. I arrived two hours later.

Despite the lack of sleep for the last 18 hours, I felt joyful. A little celebration had begun inside me. I was looking forward to be in a place with people who are culturally different from me. When the opportunity came to visit them, I did all I could to secure the train tickets. Indeed I was blessed to be able to buy tickets to my destination within a short time frame. There were many passengers who stood along the aisle waiting for others to leave their seats temporarily. One of the passengers waited patiently for his seat to be relinquished. Their eyes met and both smiled amicably to each other when the lady realized that the man standing near her was the owner of the seat. One husband gave up his seat so that his wife could rest in a sleeping position. Two young adults sat next to me and shared an entertainment program on iPad. The family of three sitting opposite me took turns to give up their seats so that the son and the father could sleep. I was touched by the humanity. 

Some passengers brought their own traveling stools but had to excuse themselves very frequently to free the aisle for walking passengers. They were willing to put up with the inconvenience just to catch that short moment of restfulness. The tolerance level of the Chinese is indeed remarkable. The family reunion is such a symbolic occasion in the Chinese culture that every pain is endured even if it means paying to stand on the train to reach the destination. It costs the same as a ticket with seat. As much as the Chinese are regarded generally to be uncouth, they have their own little acts of communal kindness.

My ordeal of getting the tickets started three weeks before the New Year. I had to constantly monitor the on-line tickets many times daily. Frequent trips were made to the railway ticket counter to check the spot tickets' availability. It is indeed true that when we want something, the entire Universe will conspire to help us. The Universe conspired to help me to find train tickets when it seemed remote. We cannot see the invisible that works behind our sight that is leading us on our mysterious journey. It is a miracle of life. If only we allow it to happen and let go our tension that is caused by the need to control every circumstance that falls upon us.

Know, Say, Do

When one reaches contemplation, then awareness is born.  Without awareness, we are in sleeping mode and indulging in unnecessary chats that could have misleading and destructive impact on ourselves and others.

Once we know our inner-self in depth, comfort talking will cease. We will contemplate fully before any utterance.  We will speak less and contemplate more.  The more we contemplate the lesser the necessity to speak the greater the silence.  The state of silence is to be our own witness. 

We are conscious about the significance of our thoughts and their translation into words and actions. We think twice before we  indulge in generalizations and continue to think and speak untruth and believe so firmly in it. Consequently, we keep navigating the misery map. 

I realized I was sliding down the untruth path until I became aware of how it had become the center of my thoughts.  How I blocked out reality and living in delusion became second nature. I am thankful that my awareness helps me to come out of this vicious cycle and now working on preventing one human being from being caught in the same wheel.

"Silence can be louder than words" it has often been proclaimed. Silence can be on the outside while inner chatter continues. I am striving towards both and the more difficult is to be silent inside. All kinds of thought and discussion continue in the mind even when we are alone. I am trying to be at peace with myself and learning to watch my thoughts more and engage them less.