I was expecting my friend’s father to be holding a
placard with my name outside the railway station. I checked my cell phone many
times and there were no messages or missed calls. Everything's looking good, I thought
to myself. I saw a sweet familiar face standing out in a crowd of eager looking
men. It was my friend. I realized later that the men were private drivers
offering their services and she was haggling over the fare to her home
including one stop at the hospital. Private transportation fares doubled and trebled during
the Lunar New Year festive period. We walked away from the touts. Our act caused
a response from one skinny lanky man who came after us and directed us into his
royal blue Volkswagen Golf. His price
was right. I was rather glad because I
had noticed his car earlier. It stood out as the newest among the rest of the
cars at the parking lot. It had a sense of safety.
The stop at the hospital was to pick up my friend's mother and
sister-in-law who had given birth to a baby girl a day earlier. The birth
was expected on 9th day of the Lunar New Year, but nature had other
plans. I had to reboot my cell phone to receive three messages and two missed calls
that my friend had made. I did not receive any of her updates during the 18
hour journey. The flow of events had
changed upon arrival of the new born. I ended up greeting her parents at
the gate of the hospital and congratulating them as first-time grandparents. Nature
always wins. We will win too if we cooperate with nature and allow it bring us to
the unexpected.
As we entered the road to my friend’s house, there were unfinished but occupied brick
houses on both sides of the roads. Most houses had red
lanterns hanging outside the main door. My friend's 3 story-high concrete house was conspicuously
located at the end of the small countryside road. A big foyer precedes the
entrance of the house. Barricades of pomelo trees guard the house. The ripened fruits were strewn on the grass
and permanently abandoned there.
The
little two month old plushy puppy and the proud roosters were roaming freely in
the open compound. The entrance to the house is the common eating area. The
floor is of hard concrete and brutally cold. Throwing litter, pouring water,
and spitting on it are perfectly normal. It is swept a few times in the day. I arrived on the eve of the Lunar Goat Year,
the most meaningful last day of the Lunar Year when all family members meet
for reunion meal. Firecrackers and fireworks had already started exploding during the
day. The mother lit up a long train of firecrackers to welcome her newborn
granddaughter. The explosion was deafening and lasted for nearly two minutes.
Our reunion was lunch of 7 dishes
laid down on an unfinished wooden table. They were predominantly meat dishes:
pork, dog, and goose. Apparently eating dog meat is as common as eating pork
and it costs more. The meat was not deboned before cooking. The fish were drawn
from the well and cooked in its entirety. It makes sense to me now why Chinese
spit so naturally. They swallow the meat and spit out the bones. Vegetables were
fresh from the vegetation. Coal is used for cooking. Water is drawn using a
lever. Solar energy is used to heat cold water. Wifi for internet is available.
The parents are one year younger than me. We are
contrasting in our culture, language, education, habits, tradition,
values and physique. Their world is the same place that they were born. The
mother is a typical housewife: cleaning; cooking; raising children (now
a grandchild); and attending to the family vegetable garden for self-consumption. She
places everyone else’s needs before hers and is always the last to join us in
the dining table. She is always in motion. The father is
the breadwinner engaging in physical laborious work. His contentment is for the
family to have a solid roof over their heads and more than enough to eat and live. His
indulgence is 'baichiu' (white liquor). He was happy that I drank with him! We
broke the norm and drank during breakfast.
We are from two different social structures. They are born
to be married and procreate at a very young age (from 17-21 on the average).
Not having family and children is considered a shame and embarrassment to the parents and the source of gossip. The social
stigma is so entrenched that it has created a demand for unqualified matchmakers.
Young adults would desperately seek their services to get themselves hooked up
to secure a family life. Otherwise pressure is imminent. The golden age years
are sacrificed in rearing children.
Mid-life crisis is not relevant because grand-parenthood takes over by
that time. It is difficult to break away from the cycle because it entails
opportunities and risks. They are not given the opportunities to know the
risks. Their life has been sewn by the societal needle that pins their roles to
the different life stages.
The parents and I are three people born and raised in
different geographical regions. We are equals as humans and yet distinct
in our lifestyles. Their purpose in
life is to take care of their family in the same way that their ancestors did
except that now they are exposed to modern technology such as washing machine,
microwave, TV, internet. They did not have a choice to further their education
because of limitations. They know of the world outside
theirs but are not envious.
They accept their destiny and work hard to sustain life. They are content to be where they are by making the most of what
they have. In our world, we have too much of everything. Ours is quantity-living in a tight space and theirs is simple quality- living in a vast space
with nature. Our security is in our accumulated possessions because of our higher
purchasing power. Their security is in their family and community. Our
distraction is digital technology and theirs is to gather to play cards. Our main door is closed and latched, their door is open until
bedtime. We are strangers in our own community, they know all their neighbors.
I admire the parents’ openness and warmth towards
me, accepting me quickly as part of their family. They did not discourage
their daughter (my friend) from pursuing advance education in Beijing. She
could have been coerced to get married. My friend is the only one in the
extended family who is still studying at 25. They do not feel that they are a
notch up anyone else just because their daughter is going to earn a doctoral
degree in three years. She is probably the only one that has attained to this level
of education within the community. Despite our cultural differences, we did not
feel any sense of awkwardness with each other. They were not pretentious in front of me. We respected our differences and went with the
flow.
