Fear

She was almost apologetic as she answered her phone. Perhaps she felt that it was too inconsiderate to speak inside a carriage full of unfamiliar faces. What would they think of her? Her head was pointing downwards as she spoke but raising her eyes constantly to look around her. She could not talk the way she would have even though no one was actually looking at her, or taken notice that she was on the phone.

I am able to relate with her behavior. The preconceived hypothesis that would immediately formulate when faced with a situation with anyone at any given time! Like the lady, I would not stop strangers to ask for direction to my destination. I imagined that I would be disruptive and be inconvenient to them. This was my "reality". The truth is that my imagination is meaningless because it is a mind game. It would not turn into action. It remains a myth. Self-created stress is the catalyst of my imagination.

Lately, it struck again. I was fearful that my assignment did not meet expectation. I was stressed as to how the outcome of my work would be reviewed. I spent many hours preparing myself to the point of exhaustion. In essence, it left me in a stupor. If I had made time to pause, I would have realized that stress was perching on my shoulders. My mind was swinging like a pendulum on a loose pivot waiting for a free fall. 

In reality, it was not an assignment. No one was going to judge me or rate my work. No one was going to reprimand me if I did not finish my part, as I was not expected to. I imagined them all and inflicted upon myself, unwarranted pressure. The cause of it all was fear. It was the greed to be flawless.

I managed to regain my composure and dropped all my fear before my deadline. I re-structured my work and re-framed my mind. When the actual day came to present my work, I was in fine feather. All went well indeed. Of course none of what I imagined happened! 

Fear is potent. It distorts the present because it is busy focusing into the future. Fear is the absence of trust. I realize that I lack trust. Trust is knowing that all is well and will be well even though the current situation does not seem to be congruent to the ordinary mind!

When my "assignment" did not seem to be moving along well, I did not have trust. I was uptight and let the energy of fear and stress take over. I am still learning to recognize my fear and only through it, will I transcend and live in trust. 

Delusional Citizens

Shared a news report on income inequality with friends  in the country (Singapore) I used to call home. The report is a prelude to another report which is due to be published tomorrow. It highlights the poverty in Singapore.

How could this be possible? The country is considered as one of the richest in the world, one of the costliest to live in, and one that has the highest GDP per capita. To the world, it is an exemplary self-made nation that has created its wealth based on zero natural resources. The combined fiscal and economic policy has successfully transformed the red dot nation to become one of the world's most attractive power-house for global investors.

Precisely, how could it be possible? However, the Gini coefficeint which measures income inequality states otherwise, Over the last 10 years, the rate has increased at a greater speed than those of the developed nations. The rich have grown richer exponentially but the poor remain the same. The reporter put poverty into context by illustrating that the poor still can be found selling packets of tissue paper outside food centers.

My dear friend did not accept the "metaphor". She proclaimed that the author has been grossly misled and misinformed about selling tissue paper as a sign of poverty! I almost choked at the response when she said the article is not worth OUR time analyzing it!

Clearly, she missed the broader view of the report which is about income inequality in a "wealthy country". What is the government doing to eradicate this social issue? She is one example of a Singaporean living in delusion that poverty is not a noun to be used to describe Singapore. How many others think the same as her? I dare not imagine! If the majority opinion prevails, the government will continue to neglect the living poor. The vicious cycle continues and the delusional mindset becomes an embedded character in future generations.

She reminds me of a frog living in a well. The magnitude of arrogance is exacerbated by ignorance. The inculcated arrogance does not allow a closed minded person to see Singapore in a negative spotlight. Despite external published report that has validated the condition or situation, an ignorant person chooses to remain clueless. A deluded person disregards the fact and is blinded by the existing living conditions of the poor, which is the reality.

It is utter selfishness to live in oblivion and becoming immune to the conditions of others. To only accept societal norms imposed by culture or institutions is an injustice to our intellect. Our intellect is far more capable of drawing insights as to what is real based on what we see. If only we choose to use it optimally. Its function is pivotal and it influences our choices. We must not let self-deception permeate our being.

Spring in the Fall

Crisp autumn leaves strewn all over the streets like a tie dyed carpet. Oblivious to the noise of the automobiles and the bolting footsteps of trespassers. Minding their own business and waiting for any mode of transport to bring them to another place.

Leaves are selfless.
Leaves grow.
Leaves fall.
Leaves fight not.

They reach out to the sun to make shelter. They withstand the rain and the wind with no complaint. They drop to the harshness of the earth when it is their time of the season. Their existence is the ultimate acceptance of mother nature. Their state is choiceless. Their life is momentary. Spring welcomes the beginning of life. Fall simply embraces death.

My Spring begins in the fall. I made it to the first step towards realizing a dream of a lifetime. I used to be so aimless in most aspects of my life. I lived in my "none of my business" world. I indulged in soliloquy. I was disinterested in pursuing goals. Could not be bothered about achievements. I became intellectually lazy. On the contrary, I knew I had to grow to become a better person. I followed my heart although I did not know what lay ahead, only knew that it could not be worse than where I was. Life is too short to fear taking risk. The unknown is life's mystery. To try to know the unknown, is a misery.

I am blessed that now I am inspired to learn ceaselessly everyday. The revival of my curiosity is the stepping stone to want to know more of a subject. Learning feeds the soul. It heightens the intellect. It cultivates confidence. It is the engine to challenge ourselves to defy our perceived limitations and to become the best we can be.