Balance

 

The pandemic gong has been reverberating throughout the atmosphere and is far from abating. Basic human activities of livelihood, education, socialization, consumption, commutation have been reorganized to a virtual phenomenon. The paradigm shift rewards us with more ME time but requires us to be discerning in our thoughts and activities. So that we remain healthily bound in body, mind, and soul. 

I have been largely successful in finding a daily balance between the necessary evil (work that embodies teaching, researching and writing) and indulgences including daily skincare routine, bodily stretches, long walks, reading, and watching dramas.  Other than enjoying the aesthetics of things and the creativity in dramas, looking out for the messages conveyed is my telos. At times, I procrastinated writing them down and ended up spending more time finding the episode that relayed the message. Friends said that I am stimulating my inner stressors in a supposedly relaxing indulgence. Regardless, it sparks joy in the process of finding meanings in a guilty pleasure that is time- and attention consuming. One odd message seems very deep to me: A good parent is one who stays healthy. A good parent shouldn't endure pain and save money for their children. It invokes self-remembrance. 

Pray that 2022 will not be a 2020 too. Two years on, the pandemic season should increase our civic mindedness to protect ourselves and others. Our health has become more vulnerable than ever. 

Palindrome

After a long lapse in avoiding political news, the official memorial held to honor and acknowledge the COVID deaths of over 400,000 Americans  shot straight into my heart. I know, the empathetic arrow finally hit me albeit late. The event was the final piece of the jigsaw to close the chapter of the past four years of mockery and erosion to humanity. 

Today, 1-20-21 is a notable palindrome day following the event yesterday. The pronouncement today by the new team transmits respect, inclusiveness, togetherness, graciousness, strength, truth, commitment, competence, purpose, and so much more. The bedrock of decency shrouded by dampening lies yields all mighty today.

I am far away from the celebrative Capitol but I feel so exhilarated and upbeat. Today could not have been a better date to officiate the restoration of the past four years of decay. I would not have imagined in just a day the penetrative darkness is eclipsed by this glowing palindrome: "Live on time, emit no evil." 

I Belong to Me

I came across "I belong to Me" in a K-drama's dialgoue and it expresses a lot of the decisions that I took in my life journey. This metaphor has diverse branches, each has its own meaning, direction and growth. My defiance from the societal expectations imposed on women's duties and responsibilities arising from the myriad hats that they put on to live, pivots on "I belong to Me."

To follow a patterned template is a natural tendency like a sunflower rising to the sun. I fell in,  yet broke away many times. until it became me. This happened when a peer in my Master's degree class once commented that I always likes to take the hard road because I chose to enroll in tough courses that others avoided.

Another interesting metaphor is about sounds, i.e., Sounds Disappears. This simple but deep answer was given by an audiophile to his 6-year old son when asked "Why do you like sound so much?" The father explained further that "once we adults admit that things disappear someday, we no longer get obsessed with useless things." This blew me away. Until then, sounds  for me were white noise. I was embarrassed by my sheer ignorance and floating shallowness.

The temptation for online purchases has never been greater than now, for the fortunate ones that have the capital to browse and buy. I have been doing a lot of  online shopping to keep informed about the various trends and therapies used by the retailers to entice their customers. I went as far as dropping the items in the cart but retreated by the soundwaves ringing in my left ear. 

"I belong to Me," in return, I let the other be: "You belong to You", He belongs to Him", "She belongs to Her,", and "It belongs to It."

Trapped

I realized that I am systemically trapped in my unawareness, and have inflicted frustrations upon myself. The receptionist at the optical counter categorized me as one of their eye patients which resulted in an hour's wait to pick up my prescription glasses. The employees of a gas station admitted to my face without any sense of remorse, that they failed to put up a notice of an inoperable air vending machine. I wasted my dollar and had to put back the valve caps composedly. 

This is one of the few chores that I dread. My tendency is to ensure that every task is completed successfully within the time allotted. I dislike inefficiency. I had to drive to the next vending machine where I was told there is a free service in an auto-care center where I need not even come out of my car! This turned out to be a silver lining. Lately these frustrations helped me realize my intolerant of inefficiency. This rocks my center. I have to change if I don't want to be the sucker that is feeling the one-sided hurt.

Lao Tzu put it so well: Before healing others, heal yourself. So I have to let people be and not cling to my past experiences. Just like a boat that has done its job carrying me ashore, I should abandon it and continue walking my path.

Men and Women

I was obsessed with this song "The Man" after watching a K-drama and listened to an one-hour long loop of the same song everyday possibly for a month. The main reason is he is my favorite actor and sings well. It led me to study the lyrics. Two words struck me - "beggarly love." Man is a beggar in the name of love.  

I returned to my reading and found this excerpt: Ordinarily there are men and women, but not human beings. To become a human being means to become a process, to become an inquiry, to become a passion for the impossible... a seeker, a seeker of truth. 

I enjoy photojournalism because it digs into the deeper issues depicted in the photos. For example, I read about the reckless disposal of Covid-19 biomedical waste that ended in the landfill which feeds impoverished families. I see helplessness and hopelessness in the people and I smell trash. That reminds me of a city landfill that I visited and the stench from a very far distance was acrid. Just imagine these people in close proximity everyday!

   

Now, this begs the question: are there more men and women than human beings in this pandemic era now? Indeed, men and women are those that defy processes, deny truth, and harvest lies that echo the ethos of We and You. If men and women respect processes for long term recovery, the futile debate of returning life to normal would not exist. Just follow the process and the result will speak for itself as we have seen in other countries. If biomedical waste was disposed as hazardous waste and incinerated, the impoverished families could continue their not so healthy livelihood. 

Human beings would see that we are interconnected and are therefore cognizant of the consequences of our actions. There is no We and You. There is Us and Unity. Rise as human beings but fall as men and women. I realize that to be a human being has to be earned by our actions.

Totality

Earlier in my journey I was reminded to see the totality and not to focus on the fragments. A fragmented mind is the curtain blocking the light at the end of the tunnel. I applied this principle in my workplace when I had to deal with cascading operational issues.

In this universal pandemic season, I reflected upon the totality of life. We see different behavioral coping mechanisms that people use to deal with the fatigue of too much time spent indoors. The reopening of beaches was life's essential and entitled human right. We see compliance and defiance attitudes toward a simple protective covering - face mask. Inconveniences are excruciating pain and sufferings. 

This totality principle is even more meaningful today. The physical depravity will pass once commercial activities resume to operable state or once a vaccine is found. Technology lets us satisfy our needs and desires through online products acquisition. We defer our physical contact but increase our virtual communication. We appreciate our cooking and treasure our dining out experience.

This pandemic is the fragment that catches our human life. When a beggar or emperor dies, their total is the same. Is it time to look at life in totality? 

Contentment

Soon it will be 10 years since I started this blog. Although updating it consistently has not been my greatest strength, I persisted and did not give it up. The journey during these 10 years has been a concoction of  bittersweet experiences from my Ph. D pursuit to assimilating to academia. These past 10 years have been pivotal comparing to the preceding 13 years. Looking back, I can confidently say that it is the best decade that marked the beginning of learning about my SELF and life.

I did not realize that I was not living until I experience what living means. I left my comfort zone not knowing that I was actually escaping. The context changed but the content was the same. I was the corrosive content that was burning inside. I could be in the Himalayas but would see the mountains as obstruction instead of peace and tranquility. 

The Himalayas within me is calling me to appreciate the sights of the colorful birds and yellow butterflies foraging the foliage along the riverside walking trail. Before, the chirping of the birds was noise because I was unconscious and not accepting their nature.The silver lining of minimal human contact in this "nature always wins" era is I am entering into the sensuous existence to feel the Whole that has always been there.